Six Weeks

I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately. Nothing too alarming other then the average stiff neck and sleepless nights that leave me laying awake wondering how my baby is doing. In the past week I have started spotting and although many a women tell me this is "normal"....I have a hard time believing it. Blood is not normal right now. So I lay awake wondering how in the world I am going to keep something as small as a sesame seed alive inside of me. It just seems so easy for it to fall out. At work the other day I had a mini meltdown. Once again I saw a bit of blood and I just knew I was going to miscarry. I cant believe what a nervous psychotic mess I have become. First you worry about ovulating. Calculating it, predicting it, planning for it and finally executing it. Then you wait. Then you find out your not pregnant. So you wait. You ovulate yet again as nature would have it. You plan, prepare and pray. You get pregnant. You are so happy for like a minute. Then you worry. Am I ready? This is forever? There's no going back now. My life has forever changed. I officially have a poppy seed inside of me.....and it grows...and two weeks later it is a sesame seed...sigh. I know what ever happens is part of Gods plan, but that doesn't stop the worrying. We will see the heartbeat in four days and the anticipation is killing me. How can someone love a sesame seed so much?