Exhale

We went to the doctor last week to see your heartbeat. You were so very small your dad and I had to get real close to the screen to see you. You were only the size of a sesame seed...but when we looked real real close we saw a tinnie tiny heartbeat! We were so happy!!! The doctor told us that you were probably younger then we thought and wanted us to come back in a week so we could see your heartbeat much clearer. In the meantime the doctor wanted me to eat very very healthy (which I have been doing, even though it makes me feel sick! I know you need it for your growing body)! I also had to take a bunch of blood tests so they could see if everything inside me was normal. I got the results back today and the doctor said everything looked great and normal! I can't wait to see your little heartbeat again!

St. Elmos Fire

The past few days I have been bleeding a bit and naturally this has caused me to go into complete panic hysteria mode. I called my doctor and told her what was happening and she told me to come in for a blood test. I went in and have to go back for another one in two days so they can compare my human growing levels (HGC)...or something like that. I try to give my baby inspirational talks..."Common little one you are already a lentil bean and just yesterday you were only a little sesame seed....next week you will be a kidney bean and before you know it a whole grape....and pretty soon (wipe tear from eye) you will be a small banana!!" I am even trying to give our baby some inspirational music to listen to. This morning after my walk I sat on the couch, plugged in my iPhone and popped an ear bud into my belly button and let my lentil listen to "St. Elmo's Fire"...and then "It's my Life" by BonJovi!!! I am completely aware of what a utter dork I am.

Six Weeks

I have been feeling a bit under the weather lately. Nothing too alarming other then the average stiff neck and sleepless nights that leave me laying awake wondering how my baby is doing. In the past week I have started spotting and although many a women tell me this is "normal"....I have a hard time believing it. Blood is not normal right now. So I lay awake wondering how in the world I am going to keep something as small as a sesame seed alive inside of me. It just seems so easy for it to fall out. At work the other day I had a mini meltdown. Once again I saw a bit of blood and I just knew I was going to miscarry. I cant believe what a nervous psychotic mess I have become. First you worry about ovulating. Calculating it, predicting it, planning for it and finally executing it. Then you wait. Then you find out your not pregnant. So you wait. You ovulate yet again as nature would have it. You plan, prepare and pray. You get pregnant. You are so happy for like a minute. Then you worry. Am I ready? This is forever? There's no going back now. My life has forever changed. I officially have a poppy seed inside of me.....and it grows...and two weeks later it is a sesame seed...sigh. I know what ever happens is part of Gods plan, but that doesn't stop the worrying. We will see the heartbeat in four days and the anticipation is killing me. How can someone love a sesame seed so much?

Sleep?

I have been completely overtaken! And I must say it is the most AWESOME experience EVER! I would love to be sleeping a bit more, but instead of eating half a chocolate cake in the middle of the night I now spend my 3 am insomnia by researching everything. I still feel pretty normal aside from the telltale signs like sore breasts, gas, bloating. I think it is wonderful how every book will tell you that you will not gain weight right away.....ahhhhhhh not the case here! I went from fat to bloat in like ten minutes of taking a pregnancy test! I have to admit...for the first time EVER in my entire existence I have been proud of my body! I love feeling my growing stomach (okay my bloated stomach) and my boobs are so huge right now and swollen and it just amazes me what women go through and what miracle is happening. I am just so happy. Of course I told this all to Danielle and she responded with "Yeah, get back to me in about 30 weeks!" And that may be so, but for now I am enjoying my little wonder bean (Alan's first nickname) growing happily inside my body feasting on greens and a plethora of other goodies that only a chef would know how to intricately prepare! Ohhh so much to share so much to share! I just cant wait!

Where is this baby growing again??

Today is my third full day of being pregnant and I cannot express how sore my breasts are. i am actually positive that the baby is growing inside my breasts!!! I have been really bloated and gassy but other then that I feel quite normal. I did find myself washing a banana...I am sure that is not normal, especially since I have never known myself to wash any vegetable or fruit in my entire existance!!!

So Now What!?

So I'm pregnant! Wow! Yippee! Fuck! You spend so much trying to get pregnant that when it actually comes I had no idea what to do...I really didn't, so I just ate two bunches of broccoli and made a virgin margharita. I guess that's a good start.